Silence and Starlight :: Wax and oil paint on glass, 30"x30", 2013
[Being an artist is] “permitting life to use you in a very intense way. Sometimes it is not pleasant. Sometimes it is fearful. But nevertheless it is inevitable. – Martha Graham
I have to be honest, I have been feeling pretty stupid lately. I am surrounded by brilliant people – well read and studied in all things Occult. I have been feeling the need to prove I understand something real, that what I have devoted my life to is not just madness or make believe. But I can prove nothing.
When I have been asked what my tradition is I stutter. Its true, I can recite mantras and quote certain philosophers and poets. I have studied the correspondences and know the names of resins and the hours to burn them. But I don’t have a name for what I do or what I am. I have only my eyes and my heart and my hands. I know only that I talk to things, I have dreams, sometimes I let things walk with me, make a home in my body and take action in the world, speak, offer images.
I have no certificate that commands respect. I have no badge, or insignia, or degree, or order. I wish I did. I want to be valid and I want you to listen, because I swear there is something important here to be heard.
But I understand more and more these days that my job is not to know and be able to explain but only to be a channel, a conduit, a hollow reed. And it is humbling as all hell. I am being taught again and again that if there is something really worth paying attention to, it is not me.
It is the illuminated creatures of your visions telling you they are real illuminated creatures.
It is the stones and animals and stars speaking to you.
It is the signs and symbols placed by your allies to guide you.
It is your ancestors contacting you.
And I know in some deep and timeless way that my purpose is not to know anything more than how to practice my art in such a way that you can hear them.